I thought you were my angel,
Sent from heaven's sky.
I thanked God for your presence,
But now I wonder why.
You took your bow and arrow,
And aimed it at my heart.
You let it rip right through my soul,
And left me torn apart.
I started to wonder what went wrong.
I love'd you without fail.
But above all else I figured out,
You're just a typical male.

My mum sure have her own ways to console people. Seeing how down i am now she told me this, "What's wrong with you? Aiyah, relationship this thing cannot force one.. I read that this year your love luck not good ar." Thanks mum.. -_-"


I'm not sure to go dblo tomorrow anot? After put in so much effort of getting 'him' out of my life, tomorrow may have a high chance of seeing there. Not sure if i want to take the risk, of how i will react when i see him. Staying at home also dwell on it, and my friends encourage me to go out and have fun. Oh well, i shall see how i feel again.


Was packing some of my stuffs earlier and found this bag of stuffs. Its my memories of Jasper. There's my diary, photos with him, letters, cards, bears, reciepts, chocolate boxes, paper stars, ribbons.. Almost everything he gave me. At that moment, i realised that this guy who is making me sad now doesn't deserves it. He doesn't derserves me to be upset, hurt and sad for him. I can see Jasper patience towards me and there's always surprises, and of cos lots of tender loving care. He really put in alot of efforts to make me happy and feel loved all the while. I think if i got to know him now, he will be happier and we will be together still. Maybe its unfair to compare Paul with Jasper in the first place. Cos i'm with Jasper for a much much longer time. But the same thing happened to me and Jasper before at the initial stage of the relationship. Its my doubts and insecurities, but what he have done is assure me and be patient with me.


I will blog again more on what Jasper have done, it will serves as reminder that i derserves better, but not dwelling on the past...

Feeling very confused right now, getting him out of my life. Hope time can bring me back to who i am before i got to know him.


It's all over...

Forget about us, forget about him, forget about me...

Feeling very depressed right now, i feel that nobody in this world really care about how i feel and what i think. They are all selfish bastard and think about themselves only. Why am i always so considerate about ppl's feelings? I am so stupid.


I also want to be happy. Be friends? Bullshit! I feel that its easier to be angry and hate him, cos its less painful this way. Can someone bring my pain away? Feel like going somewhere alone, i want to shout outloud and cry outloud. Keep telling myself that its okay, time will heal... But why the hell is it taking so long and slow.


I want to be left alone, run away and hide somewhere. Let me rest in peace. You can be so cruel.

Just reached home... Went to have drinks and chill with Joe and gang, surprising Wayne also just broke up with his gf yesterday. We all are like mourning for some one, we just drink blindly and talk about our thinking and feelings. They actually did talk some senses into me and i'm trying my best to cheer up.
How i wish its as easy as ABC and 123...

Would you remember how we first meet,

and remember how we first speak?

Would you remember my first question to you,

and how you kiss like there's no one around you...

Would you remember the laughter that we shared,

and at night the blanket that we both shared...

I hope you would remember my face and my voice,

cos i know that you have your reasons to make this choice.

This is to let you know how hurt and sad that i am,

but end of the day i just want you to be happier than i am.


I realised that the ocean is deeper than i thought.

Had a long walk earlier, hoping that the rain would clear my mind and wash away all my troubles and doubts.
I can see it coming...


Just had a talk with him, i'm not happy at all that my prediction came true. At least i'm proud of him that he can finally made a decision. Some part of me died on the spot, tears blind my eyes and i think i should go to bed now.

Who can know you better besides you yourself?


My monday is so blue today, as blue as the ocean can be.


******************************

What am i looking for i ask myself,

Someone who can love me more than myself...

Someone who don't let me wait,

And only look at my way...

Someone who can hold my hand and make my day,

When things ain't fine he won't just run away...

Someone who won't make me look desperate for his love,

Cos i would just be his only love...

Someone who won't tell me not to think too much,

As i'm in love with you i will be thinking as much...

Someone who don't make me feel that i'm taken for granted,

Because i really love to feel wanted...

In fact, i'm really lazy to blog now. I got work to do but feeling really lazy, and yet i have to stop myself from dozing off at my table. So i choose to blog then. -.-


It has been a month with my guy, and i did something that i thought is really sweet on 20th. This is what i did, i woke up at 5am in the morning washed up and got out of the house by 6am. Took a cab to the coffeeshop which sells my dear's favourite fried mee and chicken wings. And to play safe i bought him 'chee cheong fun' and soya bean drink too.

Then i took train to Ang Mo Kio and walked to his place. I was downstair at his block by 6.45am, and as i planned i hooked the 'breakfast' on his bike handle and took out the card that i prepared the night before and shoved it into the key slot. I began to find a place to hide and 'look out' for the breakfast and the card don't get blown away, at the same time make sure he don't see me. Finally found my perfect spot, and i cursed the weather for being so warm and can't stop perspiring. arrgghh...

The time now is 7.05am, i gave him a msg to make sure he is up for work. 7.15am he make his way down and walked towards his bike, saw his took the card and i quickly make a move. He called me almost immediately, i think he's really surprised and touched.. Hee... I think i can fall in love with myself already, cos i'm such a romantic i must say.. :P


It was Leon's birthday yesterday, as planned we went to Sakae Sushi for dinner and i went to gt my hair cut. My fringe was like too short. :( And i look so silly with it... Hope it grow long soon...
I appreciate my dear that he make the effort to communicate with my sliblings, as they really meant alot to me. Actually he make it look effortless, anyway, i really do appreciate it.
Love him lots. ^_^


How long will you love me?

Had a really nice weekend. :) On last sat was Desmond R.O.M at Spans JOMS Clubhouse at Ah Hood Road. Was nearly late but luckily we still make it in time for the solemnization. My dear was so charming and i was shocked to see him in shirt and pants. LOL.. Aww.. He still manage to make my heart missed a beat at times.. hehe.. Took quite a lot of pics with Mr Wong, ex-colleagues and friends there and of cos i really helped myself to the food and drinks there. ha.. Surprised to see Zhiqiang there, he's Sinni ex bf and it really brings back memories. He's actually Desmond's cousin bf, i tink he changed quite a bit, maybe because he is older now and more mature too.


We left at around 9pm to DblO.. Yes, DblO again.. Had beer and played games with my dear, after a while his friend JW came and joined us. JW is also 1 of my Primary schoolmates, i dont really know him well at all and in fact i never spoke to him before. Was surprised that he's touchy to me even with my dear there. And my impression of him got even worse when he try to 'shake' me at the dance floor. Lucky for William is there and shoved him away, my dear was MIA and i got to know later that he has been running to the toilet. Then took alot of pics again with Serene and some Primary school friends again. It was fun taking the pics. HA! Will try to upload some in the future. I think its time for me to get a camera, since i like taking pics and so is my dear.. :P


My poor sis finally end it with Daryl. I don't what to say, cos initially i actually encourage my sis to get into this relationship with him. But i didn't know that things would end up like this, little that i thought the virtues can actually becomes the flaws. Maybe he's not mature enough, anyway time did tell how that person's character is. I just hope my sis would be happy, and obviously she isn't when she's with him. Love u lots sis! :)


I'm so proud of myself! Hee.. Its like donkey years since i stepped into the kitchen and cook, although i used to cook pretty often during secondary school days. I must say i still can make a decent meal. haha.. It may not be very nice but my dear, his grandpa and his aunt was very supportive and kind enough to eat it and never really complain about it. :P Must remember tat his grandpa can't take sweet stuffs. After the cooking i went to meet up with a customer staying at serangoon garden way and make a deal. Thanks my dear for sending me there, then we went back to have dinner again. I was really dead beat tired after the cooking, and don't really have much appetite. Around 9pm+ we went back to my place and i knocked out around 12am i guess. It was a long, tired but happy weekend...


Was quite touched to see the couple say ' i do' at the solemnization. I still believe true love still exixts, although i have seen alot of failed and unhappy marriage...


Love does not makes the world goes round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

I'm not sure why my mood swings are getting scary recently. Is it because i'm attached? Stress of my new job? Change of sleeping patterns? Oh well, i just feel that i'm getting very sensitive nowadays and really pessimistic about alot of stuffs. Maybe i know the answer now, cos i am a woman. HA!


Am i setting expectations? If i do, i think its pretty reasonable. I thought its quite rude to tell people straight at their face their mistakes sometimes, or wat you expect of them which makes one seems demanding. For me, what i do is i keep scores. I wil deduct the points in my heart secretly then i will just walk away once u hit negative. I believe alot of stuffs have to be earn, somtimes you won't even realise it.

Little things that you do can goes a long way... ...

If you really want to make a strong impression today, you should just be yourself.


Suddenly, your image is very much on your mind -- but why? Is impressing others really that important to you? Before you answer that, consider the people who impress you. They share an air of effortlessness -- they make it all look so easy, don't they? That's because they're not trying. They're just living. So if you really want to make a strong impression on someone right now, you should just be yourself. Be honest -- there is nothing more impressive than that.


Have you ever wonder how deep is the ocean?

That's how i describe my love for you now.

Ocean deep.

Watch out... History going to repeat again...


Meet up with K yesterday for lunch, the last time we met was like half a year back. The purpose of the meeting was to clear things up, since he's leaving for taiwan today for 6 weeks. I'm surprised that his situation is similar to Jolyn's. He's really lucky that its me he messed with, i'm not sure what other gals would do if it happens to them. Because my parents faced this 'situation' before and i was taught well, so he's really a damn lucky jerk.


Was under the hot sun d whole day yesterday like that, and i walked till my toes hurts... Upset by some stuffs, which i don't really know how to spell out. End of the day, a typical pessimistic i summarise that why i get myself into the shit again. As indesicive as i can be, maybe i should be left alone for good.


Sometimes i wonder if men & women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

My weekend was wonderful. Basically i just eat and sleep for the 2 days, gonna start my diet now already. -.- oops! Had m&m chocolates just now.. hee... Went to NUS earlier to meet up with my client and make sure everything is okay and to 'show face' only. My this client very 'auntie' one, although very naggy and always complaint all the time but i still love her still. haha.. Like she says, we have been working for so long and got 'feelings' already and she's always been very supportive to me. She even compliment me that i lost weight and look much younger now! Ha! She say i last time hair shorter, plump plump and look very mature, i was thinking where got?? -.-" Gonna make a mental note and send her moon cakes this year.


Meet up with Kenneth for lunch after that as he was in Clementi area also. Long time never catch up with him already, the last time we also had lunch when i'm out for a function. He changed a new hairstyle, look like 'astro boy' to me but in thai version. haha.. cos he's abit dark la.. As usual, he's grumbling that there's no nice girls anymore in this world. And also telling me about this gal that he's seeing but she's attached. He was wondering if the gal was making use of him. As a friend i give him my piece of advice and we wish each other good luck in our love life.. haha.. I told him that i'm buying him dinner one day, feel pai seh to let him buy me lunch everytime.. lol..


Today's work was very productive, so far no monday blues for me. :) Tomorrow going to aloha loyang resort for another appt, i enjoy my trip out and meeting with people. At least no one really cares about where i go and what time i come back as long i bring in the sales. I told myself i have to work harder cos i'm not going to let my mum work anymore, think she deserves a break.
Wish me luck! ^_^

On friday night after work JZ came to pick me up and he brought me to this opening event at this chill-out place near Robertson Quay. Before that we went to Cornerstone for some drinks and food, as usual he had his beer and i had my wine. The event starts at 8.30pm, so we hang out there for a while and meet up with his friends and headed to our destination. The place was already packed with people, everywhere where i turned is like celebrity-looking people with a beer bottle on their hands and waiters with a tray of delicious looking pastries walking around. The beer was free flow that night and i had my own fair share of it that i can take. I saw Renne Leong the wedding planner and her charming hubby. She's someone i look up to and wanna be 1 day. Give me some time and i will be able to go talk to her the next time i see her.


The wine and the beer was not a very good mix. Think JZ was getting pretty high on it, he should had at least 10 bottles that night. After that the friends thought that we should go club, but i don't think that was a very good idea as i tend to drink more when i club. And i already made a promise to my dear not drink too much. So we parted with his friends and we went to boat quay ktv pub and meet up with his another friend. Was already feeling stoned and tired from the day and the drinks, and i'm still waiting for my dear to call me...


There he goes again, i don't like it when guys drinks they started to behave very aggressive. He started to say stuffs and put me in dilemma that i really don't know how to answer them. I decided to make a move, checking my hp again, dear haven't contact me.. haiz...


The next day i went to Malaysia with dear and his beloved grandpa to Malaysia to visit his relatives there. Its like non-stop of food eating and really fun to know all his cousins and thought they are really adorable althought they can be a devil at times. Overall i enjoyed myself, and i miss my grandma. Now i'm back to his place blogging when he's sleeping like a log. Oops! hehe.. His mum is like cooking some food for praying, looks like i'm going to put on at least 2kg for this 2 days. :( Lotsa thots on my mind, let me go figure and i will talk to u later...

The Bottom Line
Stress can make you stronger -- after all, high pressure is what creates diamonds!

In Detail
There is much to be learned from conflict and trial -- after all, high pressure makes diamonds, right? It might not please you to know that the next twenty-four hours may be a bit stressful, but after this day is over, you will be a better person. Not every day can be a breeze, and going through a rough patch will make you all the more appreciative when you encounter smooth sailing again -- and this will happen much sooner than you think.




Last night dear said somthing to me that is more heart-warming than 'i love u'... It really meant ALOT to me... But of course i don't mind keep hearing 'i love u' too.. haha.. :)