Disappointment... I'm not sure if its me who set expectation in the first place. Been really upset and lost recently. And the people around just keeps on letting me down again and again. Last nite i went to dblo again, i shouldn't have went there. It brings back memories of Kel definately, although i know that he won't come but i still can't help it to look out for him.


He's such a disappointment already, and yet Des is like rubbing salt on my wounds. So much about 'special friend', and never ever say that you came down for me. I'm upset and mad by myself, for being for a pushover.. To everything in my life. They are taking advantages of me in all the possible ways. I can't take it anymore. I still can't believe that he is doing this to me, the thing is he's just not doing anything. Maybe its like what i said, i set expectation. Thinking back the times that i'm always there for him, i feel like a stupid fool really...

Maybe i shouldn't talked to him that day at all.. But i did.. I shouldn't danced with him at all.. But i did.. I shouldn't have let him into my heart.. But i did..


He did not lied to me at all i guess.. I'm the one who haf been lying to myself, maybe i'm hoping for a miracle. Afterall, i'm still kidding myself. I couldn't stand it anymore, and the question has been bugging me long enough. Or maybe the time haf come for me to care enough to ask him. I expected the worst.. But i didn't know that it could hurt so much when my hp screen read "She's my wife.. I'm sorry.."


Since J.. I have not tear for another guy. Never thought that i would now...

Curiousity really kills the cat.. Why did i look at that in the first place? Who's that exaclty? Can someone tell me? But would you be telling the truth if you really say it?


I HATE my job! I LOVE my job.. Totally agree with what sab said. We all have a limit, and i think i had reached mine. Time to look for a new job. Doesn't matter if i'm a sales assistant in a boutique or a waitress. At least i'm happy and get to keep my integrity. I wanna do what i want to do. Like a holiday, learn to drive, pick up dance lessons..


Mood swings.. Having doubts again. Oh boy, i hope i don't hurt anyone again. I'm starting to wonder if i'm getting myself in trouble again by getting into another relationship? Particularly this one. No time, that may not be an excuse. Cos i really don't have it at times. Then should we just save each other the heartache and just be friends? But we can't do so as we care about each other too much to be just friends.. Yet we don't really spend enough quality time to feel that we are really a couple. U and me are just too alike... Too alike...


Edison. Maybe u did the right thing in the first place. I'm really start to think if i have made the wrong decision now. You remind me on how hurting it can be. It really hurts..


And i miss u J.....

Since the last time i blogged, so many things have been happening to me. Can't say its good or bad, but at least i feel happy now. Wuz telling Jolyn gal that we should go replenish our 'stock'.. Hahaha.. But seems like i have a handful to handle already.


Eugene confessed his feelings to me 2 weeks ago, as usual he's tipsy and it seems that it makes him much more braver to do so. I didn't want to hurt him.. At least at that point of time, and i told him to give me a week to really consider. He's such a gentlemen, and all of my gal frenz r voting for him. Sweet and considerate as he can be, but i just feel that there's no sparks between us. I didn't turn up at dbl'o the next week when i'm suppose to give him d answer. He's very disappointed and sent me qute a num of msgs venting his anger on me. As usual, i try to run away from it rather then facing it. But in the end, i still face the music and tell him how i feel about it. Surprisingly, its so simple.. There's nothing to be scared afterall, and he's quite cool about it. Phew...