A friend was telling me d other day. Saying that i'm desperate.. for love. Maybe i am. And also told me that i'm hunting for love, not looking for it. In fact i always thot that it would find me somehow. Isn't it suppose to be effortless? Why am i trying so hard? But at the same time i also thot that the special someone won't just fall from the sky just like that. Sometime i have to make the first move and put in the effort. Guess like the old saying, it takes two hands to clap. I'm just can't be the one keep giving. I actually give too much already...


I asked K, the question that always have been bugging me for quite sometime now. Obviously the things that we do is not just friends only. But its also not in a relationship too. I just hate that feeling, and i hate myself for it. I wanted to get out from it. Finally, asked him exaclty what are we now. The answer from him was, "i would like to say we are a couple now, but we are still not". Hearing that my heart skipped a beat. I actually prepared myself for this kinda answer from him, but just can't help it feeling d tear rolling in my eyes. He said that he got that barrier, i mean so do i. In my mind i'm thinking maybe i'm just not the one for him. On the other hand, my friend and my sis was asking me if i would like this kind of guy. A social butterfly, and some ppl called it a flirt.. Somehow i do know that he's a very serious person, cos he's quite like me. Anyway, i told him let's just be friends. Cos i'm tired of it, i dun want to carry on like this anymore. I feel like being taken for a ride, its like a trial run on how it would be like if we r together.. Sorry, but i just dun like d idea of see how first. I thot its pretty clear if u really like the person and u just go for it. So this only proved that i'm just not the one to get him out of d barrier. I dun even want to be friends.. I would be able to handle it. If that someone can't love me, then i would just self-love, not selfish... He's still looking for it, which i can't accept it. He has the every right to keep looking for it, and gals r like throwing themselves at him. J told me before that i must be confident of myself. I am. Trying hard..


Leave me alone...